Children's Party Planning FAIL

When Timmy asked for a "pony", he meant a small horse, not a half keg.

Keg Gremlins

A house party with a keg, what with its opportunity for getting semi-nude and behaving inappropriately in a relatively consequence-free environment, can transform a normal human into an panty-clad werebeast. It's like if you get a mogawi wet or feed it after midnight and it turns into a gremlin.

Wedding Kegstand

This isn't the first photo I've found on Flickr of a bride and groom doing kegstands at their wedding, but by god, I hope it's not the last.

A Mother's Strength

You always hear about how a mother can get super strength to lift a car to save her baby that's trapped underneath. But what about if there was a keg emergency, and you couldn't get your beer into your mouth fast enough?

Boston Keg Party

The two biggest downsides to growing up in Boston like I did is firstly that people are always asking me why don't have a Boston accent (not everyone does, duh) and secondly, the fact that I actually feel I can relate to this guy:

Suck On This

It doesn't work as well as garlic or holy water, but you can distract a vampire long enough to escape by giving it a keg tap to suck on.

Tap That

Tie-dye is cool again, unless you combine it with a goatee and Oakley sunglasses, in which case it reverts back to stupid. But I have to admit, this guy's rousing party spirit makes me want to be anywhere he's about to stick that tap.

Keg Trust

You've got to be pretty trusting of the shirtless guy to put all your clean dry cleaning in such proximity to a keg.



Don't you know what happens?

Keg Delivery

Living the Dream

Honestly, of all the party pictures I've ever posted, this is the one that I really really wish I hadn't missed this party. What you are looking at is pretty much the most ideal moment that a human could ever strive for.

1. Keg
2. Pool

Those are the only two things you need to transcend your mortal coil. There's just something about being drunk in a pool on the 4th of July that makes your heart want to burst with happiness. I was lucky enough to spend two 4ths in a pool with my friends Sara, Morgan, and Neal, and it was heaven.

Happy 4th Of July!

What can I say? I love the 4th of July! I love BBQs, I love drinking beer in the afternoon, I love stickin' it to the English, I love freedom.

The 4th of July is the opposite of other holidays like Christmas or Halloween where there's a lot expected of you. You're expected to buy presents, or you're expected to have a snazzy costume. The 4th of July only asks that you show up and get totally relaxed. It's an big eating holiday, but unlike Thanksgiving, the most complicated cooking involved is placing a burger onto the grill and then taking it off the grill.

So to put you in the USA loving mood, please consider these 4th of July parties from years past that you missed:

It's Never Too Early to Talk to Your Kids About Kegstands

Parents are a bunch of pussies who put their kids in baby yoga and make them wear kneepads when they go rollerblading. It's nice to see that there's still some people out there who still subscribe to the old parenting techniques like making them smoke an entire carton of cigarettes if they get caught smoking. Trying to sneak a sip of gramp's beer? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO FINISH THE WHOLE THING!

Smell My Finger

How much more clear can this guy make it that he does NOT want to smell your finger?

Unappreciated

It's heartbreaking when you're trying to get Chad's attention, but he's more interesting in his stupid beer bong than you. And you're left standing there, in your underwear. Welcome to every day of my life.

Holy Tanning Bed, Batman!

I imagine this is what it looked like when the Wampanoag Indians had their first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims.

The Hotel Does Not Approve of this Usage

How embarassing is it if you need scaffolding to be raised for a kegstand?

A Moment Of Clarity

Suddenly, the guy in the middle realized what he was a part of. And he was not pleased at all.

Who You Gonna Call?

Keg Busters!!!

Q: When is it not a good idea to do another keg stand?

A: When you've already pissed your pants.

If only for the sake of your friends who have to lift you.

Techincolor Dream Pants

Where can I get pants that describe EXACTLY the situation I'm in at the given moment? It's like they're made of some futuristic substance that works like hyper-color, but can change to describe exactly what you are doing: drinking beer and looking nuts.

Except instead of BEER NUTS mine would say YOGURT BORED.