Chug Race

Race to get out of Dad's garage's.

The Shining: Beer Cans

Remember that scene in The Shining where the beautiful naked lady comes out of the bathtub, and Jack Nicholson starts making out with her, and then she turns into a hideous old rotting woman? These two photos from the same party are basically that same scene, but with beer instead of babes. Just as seductive, and just as horrifying.

The succulent, nubile tub of cold ones:


The horror of the pile of trash in your stairwell the next day:

How To Tell an Underage Drinker

There's a little known secret that bartenders use to tell who's underage at their bar: if you're drinking beer through a straw, you're definitely under 21.


Thanks to the anonymous contributor who sent me this.

Octopi Beer Bong

For 8 of your closest friends.


According to the description on Flickr, this was 11:30am at a Nascar race.

Self Fulfilling Prophecy

If you were going to guess that someone at a party was going to piss their pants, you'd never in a million years pick the guy who was wearing a Budweiser shirt, right?

His friends who are giving the finger to the camera are the ravens in the sky that Tiresias reads as omens to mean this guy will never escape his destined fate.

Keep on Truckin'

There's three things a man loves in this world: his truck, his woman, and his cell-phone shoulder holster.



On Monday night I watched a PBS documentary about Lyndon B. Johnson, and one of his old friends quoted something Johnson said about why he avoided bringing up the "situation" in Vietnam (this was before the war really got started) during the 1964 election campaign: "If your mother-in-law has one eye, and it's in the middle of her forehead; you probably don't want to have her sit out in the living room."

Well, ol' LBJ might just hide these messes in the back room, but this groom confronts the ugly mother-in-law situation head on with American ingenuity and aplomb. Slap a sexy bikini lady tee shirt over her, and BAM! Mission accomplished! Is it obvious that everything I know about post-WWII U.S. history I learned from Forest Gump?


Thanks to Brad for this photo from a wedding photographer's site.

Alaskan Wedding

Alaska's been in the news a lot lately, and I've realized I really have very little idea about what it's actually like there. I don't think I've ever met anyone from Alaska, I've never been there, and I've only seen photos and film of the national parks, so I have no idea what the cities and towns are actually like. I have to imagine that the ethos of the Alaskans is very different, but I'm not exactly sure what that means.

When my friend Alissa sent me a link to a set of pictures of an Alaskan wedding, things started to crystallize for me a little. Guest were wearing jeans, rollerskating at the reception, and chugging beer straight from the pitcher, all with the cheerful approval of the bride and groom. The ethos I didn't understand was that they simply didn't give a fuck. And not just the self-conscious "I don't give a fuck what people think" that we say when we have the awareness to know what other people's judgments will be. I'm talking genuine not-giving-a-fuckness, where if giving a fuck is a choice you make between red and blue, people's opinions are on a spectrum of burgers or ice cream. The rest of us have wasted so much time giving a fuck about dumb stuff like flat-ironing our bangs, reading reviews of concerts we didn't even attend, and talking about being sick of answering questions about our tattoos. I'm so busy giving a fuck, it's a wonder I even learned to breathe.

The bride wore pink and boots:

Suck On These!!

Those are some real nice beer cans. Get it, cans?

Beer Thrones

A truly distinguished gentleman isn't satisfied just drinking Budweiser, "the king of beer", he wants to actually be the King of Beers.









A word of advice, pal - the beer throne works better when the beer bottles aren't empties.

Perfect Refreshing Chug

Everything about this photo is so perfect, if I never saw another picture of an Indian guy chugging a low-carb beer, I could die happy. It's like looking at the Sistine Chapel.

Fun Guy

Oh, a Halloween party? Well, I'll just don my sombero and bring a few of my favorite beer jugs! My, these cupcakes are festive!

Perms

Why don't ladies get perms anymore? It's such a perfect way to announce you love a good time. No one has ever cried in a perm. Think about it.



Thanks to Luke for sending me pics of his high school buddies. Luke, I hope you hit at least one of these.

Ladies, Take Your Pick

Ladies know a sure thing when they see it, and there's no doubt they have their choice of these two guys to take home tonight. Mr. Plaid will probably gently cuddle you afterwards, but he'll be super awkward when you run into him again 2 months later.

At first glance, Mr. WhitePants seems like the underdog, but he probably had an inexplicably hot girlfriend for 7 years that he started dating in 10th grade, and they did all sorts of nasty stuff together, jus, you know, exploring and learning from each other's bodies. He'll have some have some insane moves, no reservations about giving an rj, and can go for hours. Just don't let your roommates see him leave in the morning or you'll never live it down.

Extreme Filthy Bachelorpad Makeover

You know how on "Pimp My Ride", they find out one hobby or thing about the person, like "I like fish" and they run with that theme? This is like if these guys were on a redecorating show, and their theme was "we like getting high and drinking beer". Throw up some colorful Moosehead beer wallpaper, add a taupe butterfly chair, add intriguing details like the lightblue bong in the foreground and shitty stereo, and voila! Boy, were these guys psyched when they saw the results!

Old Lady in an Inner Tube Doing a Beer Bong

I can't really explain it any better.

Neither Rain, Nor Sleet, Nor Gloom Of Night Will Keep Me From Drinking This 40oz.

Isn't there some law against using U.S. mail tape for doing Edward 40-hands? Like how those white U.S. mail crates always say it's unlawful to use them for any other purposes or to not return them to the post office? Underage drinking aside, there's clearly some mail fraud being perpetrated.


Looks like at the time the photo was snapped, they haven't yet reached the sticky situation of how to undo their jeans to use the bathroom - remember these guys who had to leave their flys unzipped all night?

Thanks to Brendan (who is presumably one of these two knuckleheads) for the pic.

Green Bay Packers Tailgate Party

This weekend, I caught up with an old friend who's been living in Madison, Wisconsin for the past few years. She told me that the beer culture and consumption there is very different - entire families go out to the bar together on a Tuesday night, children included. She says it is not at all unusual to see kids at bars with their parents and grandparents. In fact, she claimed that she has been told that the law there is that children under the age of 18 allowed to drink they're with your parents. From ages 18 to 21, it's forbidden again. She wasn't sure if this was actually on the law books, or if it's just tacitly tolerated.

Does anyone know the facts on this? Is this actually true? If it is, I'm pissed as hell at my parents for not raising me in Wisconsin. Because when I look at this photo of a Green Bay fan wearing a cheesehead helmet with antlers, beerbonging in the parking lot at a time of day when someone in the foreground is still drinking coffee, I feel like they should have a "Birthright: Wisconsin" charity the same way they have free trips to Isreal for young American Jews.

Budweiser Crusoe

A little known survival technique if stranded on a desert isle is that you can use rolled up palm leaves as beer bongs.

OMG Don't Shoot! DON'T SHOOT!!

It's just Ted! He's just wearing a mask!

Ska Sucks (NOT!)

It's like this guy was reading my mind when I was wondering to myself, "Is there any way hair could be arranged on a human head that is MORE douchey than a soul patch? Only the wiggly faux hawk coif on this joker:



PolioPolioPolio sent me a link today that to what I think what is probably this clown's muxtape:

http://sonderkommandowilhelm.muxtape.com/

The only song that could redeem this would be: