Missed Connections

Have you ever seen someone across the room in a restaurant or crowded bar, and felt this immediate connection, but you didn't know how to say it? Perhaps the girl sitting at the table behind you, something draws you to her.

You felt paralyzed by anxiety, and couldn't find the words; yet you knew you both shared something that was so obvious and clear. Two plaid ships passing in the night.

Epic Fap Material

Thanks to Cavale for the photo.

WTF Costume

Does anyone have any idea what this costume is supposed to be? I mean, it looks pretty cool - pot leaf shirt, yellow pants, white hair, blue face... but I am just completely stumped of what it is. Stoner Storm from X-Men?

Video Game Brain

The problem with playing video games and reading comic books all day is that you start actually believing the outside world is made up of hookers with a heart of gold and big thuggish antiheroes. You go out on a typical Saturday night with your nerdy buddies, and you start thinking everyone actually looks like this:


Thanks to Meredith for the photo.

Use Your (Optical) Illusion

I had to look at this for about 25 seconds before I could understand what is going on here (it's an apron at a bachelorette party):

Sarah Palin Costumes

As I write this, the election results haven't come in yet, so it's hard to tell if these costumes are tragically ironic, ironically ironic, or just plain unoriginal costumes. Everyone knew that the Sarah Palin costume was going to be huge this year, but I wanted to wait a few days to let people upload their photos to Flickr to determine the results. Just like waiting to get in the full election results of a state to "call it". Relevant, right?

Verdict is: there were more Sarah Palin costume photos than I can reasonably show here. I'm talking TONS. I couldn't get even close to finish searching and I had found over 50 different men and women dressed as S.P. Keep in mind this only applies to people who actually bothered to upload their Halloween photos and tag them individually within 5 days after taking them.

Here's my main gripe with these costumes. I found the biggest fault not in the concept but in the execution. This should have been an easy costume to get right. But as you can see, some people couldn't even cobble together a decent business suit. I don't want to sound like your mom, but seriously, people - in these times of economic uncertainty, the one thing you really should invest in is a good interview suit.

Mom chastising over; please enjoy the costume option you all knew was too obvious:

Halloween Fiesta

S-s-s-s-s-s-somebody stop me! I've got Halloween fever!

According to this person's description for their photo, their grandmother is the babe in the tiger outfit. ME-OW.


Skunky pussy:


At first I thought this was a really awesome costume of the eSurance.com cartoon pitchwoman, but then I realized it was just a cat with a wicked reverse muffintop.


Speaking of reverse muffintop, this girdle is doing to his manboobs the same thing the same thing it's doing to my desire to ever be intimate with another human ever again: slowly squeezing the last succulent morsels of life out of it.

Thanks to Lindsay for sending me this picture of her friends.


(Thanks to Peter W. for this photo!)

Keep on Truckin'

There's three things a man loves in this world: his truck, his woman, and his cell-phone shoulder holster.



On Monday night I watched a PBS documentary about Lyndon B. Johnson, and one of his old friends quoted something Johnson said about why he avoided bringing up the "situation" in Vietnam (this was before the war really got started) during the 1964 election campaign: "If your mother-in-law has one eye, and it's in the middle of her forehead; you probably don't want to have her sit out in the living room."

Well, ol' LBJ might just hide these messes in the back room, but this groom confronts the ugly mother-in-law situation head on with American ingenuity and aplomb. Slap a sexy bikini lady tee shirt over her, and BAM! Mission accomplished! Is it obvious that everything I know about post-WWII U.S. history I learned from Forest Gump?


Thanks to Brad for this photo from a wedding photographer's site.

Dress for Success

My previous two posts have been about not giving a fuck and having lots of confidence in yourself. Here is the result when a person embodies those two concepts:

Self Help

Most self help stuff like The Secret is really cheesy, and it's all just variations on "believe in yourself". But there is something to that idea. If you're going to go out on a limb and try something new and crazy, like grabbing a stranger's ass, you've really got to believe in it. Do it 110%. No looking back. You gotta sell it. You can't be like "I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY GRABBING THIS ASS!!!1!1!!"

This is the main concept behind my upcoming self help book, "Everything I Learned About Life I Learned From Dan Cortese: B.A.S.E Jumping Your Way to a Better You".


Thanks to Matthew for the photo.

Suck On These!!

Those are some real nice beer cans. Get it, cans?

Listen Closely

If you're a hot babe, you probably have to deal with schleps like these guys trying to hit on you all the time. A good way to prevent them from having to talk closely in your ear in a loud bar is to clearly demonstrate that yes, you can hear them - they don't need to lean in closer. This girl is kind of driving the point into the ground, but she's got a good idea going.


Thanks to Merlin for the photo!

Sorry I Missed Your Birthday Party Magician

Enter the Cougar Den...

Breaking the Ice

Sorry buddy, I wish I could tell you it gets easier when you're older to come up with an opening line to talk girls at parties, but it doesn't.

UPDATE: Party Crew

A few days ago, I posted a picture titled "Party Crew". Just now, the guy whose picture it was commented on the post with a link to one of his other photos, also of a couple of guys who may have had a few donuts too many, but still clearly know how to have a good time.

Here he is again at a pool party. You know how people always say that confidence is the sexiest attribute a person can have? Q.E.D., my friends.

Babes Love to Party

Party Crew

M.I.L.F.s & D.I.L.F.s

Don't good looking old people freak you out? I mean, were they just good looking young people? Or did they grow into it by suffering through years of healthy living as a youth, like the fable of the grasshopper who carelessly plays fiddle all summer versus the ant who prepares for winter? Or do they have some portrait of themselves stashed away in their attic that looks like Nick Nolte's mugshot?

Bra Party

Hey Brendan, don't be so sour on love. Your dreamwifes are all at a party in their bras, waiting for you in the AOL Town Lobby chat room.



Thanks to Ashley for sending me this pic.