What Not To Be For Halloween

Look, I know that anonymously judging other people on the internet plus 25 cents will get me a phone call. I know I can't actually change anyone's minds if they have it set. But let me please, please implore of you: DO NOT BE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING COSTUMES THIS HALLOWEEN. They are played out. A lot of people have beef with the idea of "sexy" costume like sexy nurse, sexy panther, sexy cop, etc... Look, if you're going to dress as a sexy witch, there's no advice I can give you about how cheesy it might be. God bless you if you want to take one day of the year to look extra slutty. I have much bigger fish to try with these costumes which purport to be clever and culturally savvy. Here they are:

Rollergirl from Boogie Nights: You will only remind people that you don't look as good as Heather Graham. It's a bad idea to do a "sexy" costume that's modeled after someone way sexier than any real life girl is.




Freudian Slip: I remember reading in an interview with Julia Stiles in 2001 that this was her Halloween costume. I know it's an easy last-minute costume, but do you really want to cop Julia's stile?






Richie/Margot Tennenbaum: C'mon. This isn't even easy like the "Freudian Slip", so you can't have that as an excuse. This is just super played out on top of being borderline lame to begin with.




The girl from Pulp Fiction: This movie is 14 years old (!), and this costume has been done about 14,000 times. It also usually involves fake cocaine makeup, which is a real pet peeve.