Love Rubdown

Why do I get the distinct feeling that the next words out of his mouth are going to be "Would you like a massage?"

Missed Connections

Have you ever seen someone across the room in a restaurant or crowded bar, and felt this immediate connection, but you didn't know how to say it? Perhaps the girl sitting at the table behind you, something draws you to her.

You felt paralyzed by anxiety, and couldn't find the words; yet you knew you both shared something that was so obvious and clear. Two plaid ships passing in the night.

Chug Race

Race to get out of Dad's garage's.

What Women Want

See the guy in the white shirt in the background, and the defeated look on his face? That's the look of realizing that everything he thought he knew about what women want in a man just flew out the fucking window.

Before and After

Thanks to Jory for his pictures of his transformative experience.

Reality Bites

On reality competition shows, contestants are always trying to prove to the judges and their other contestants how much they want it. There's always lots of discussion where the judge is like "I don't know if you really want to be here," and then the contestant says "I WANT this so bad I want it more than starving children in Africa want a hot meal and affordable AIDS medicine." This is something that isn't paralleled in real life. It's not like when you're at your job, your boss says "I'm not convinced you want to update this Excel spreadsheet enough." No one really cares what you want or how much you want it.

In real life, it's better not be constantly trying to show how much you "want it". Because you'll end up coming off like this:

What's a Catholic Priest's Favorite Cocktail?

A: A bloody hail mary!!!
Bet you thought this was going to be a pedophile joke, right? I'm ABOVE that.

Ok, who am I kidding? A priest's favorite cocktail is his own semen felched out of the anus of a 8 year old boy. With a celery stalk garnish.
Thanks to Reed who found this photo as one of the most recently uploaded Flickr pictures.

Hold My Hand and Never Let Me Go

Thanks to Matthew Phelan for the picture of his friends from high school. And to Matthew Phelan's friends from high school: you may commence shoving Matthew in a locker in retaliation.

Macarena FAIL

You're supposed to put your hands on your own hips...

Thanks Nick, for sending this photo from your personal spring break memories.

Epic Fap Material

Thanks to Cavale for the photo.

English Hunting Party

"Well I say, Higgins, I do love a good party!"
"Jolly good! I think I see a fox - and I'm talking about your wife! Ho ho ho ho ho!"

Passed Out Whoopee Cushion

If you have your favorite baseball team bedding and jersey hanging up next to your bed, and have a teddy bear, it's a bit of surprise that you're also old enough to pass out after guzzling a bottle of Bacardi.

Here's a Riddle

Q: What do you get if you cross Adam Duritz of Counting Crows with your period?

A: This guy:

1975 Prom

Two pantsuits in love.

The Shining: Beer Cans

Remember that scene in The Shining where the beautiful naked lady comes out of the bathtub, and Jack Nicholson starts making out with her, and then she turns into a hideous old rotting woman? These two photos from the same party are basically that same scene, but with beer instead of babes. Just as seductive, and just as horrifying.

The succulent, nubile tub of cold ones:


The horror of the pile of trash in your stairwell the next day:

A Serious Case of Blue Balls

Horny Smurf:

Thanks to Haig who just sent me a billion photos for this one.

A Monday Present

Hate Mondays? If peeping this diptych of a guy in a "BO KNOW ...." shirt and eating a boob cake doesn't chase away your bad case of the Mondays, then I can only recommend you consider getting back on the antidepressants, even if it did kill your libido.

UPDATE: WTF Costume Deciphered

Some very clever readers unraveled the mystery of the WTF costume from yesterday. It's supposed to be a photo negative of a person (all colors are opposite).

Toner Huffer made a photo to demonstrate the costume where he did a negative of the photo. This photo definitely deserves my favorite overused phrase: "disturbingly lifelike".



The original photo:

Party Like It's 1992

Clinton-Gore 1992 Election Day celebration:


From the same collection:

WTF Costume

Does anyone have any idea what this costume is supposed to be? I mean, it looks pretty cool - pot leaf shirt, yellow pants, white hair, blue face... but I am just completely stumped of what it is. Stoner Storm from X-Men?

Obama Costumes: The Blackface Question

I wasn't surprised at all to see tons of photos of people dressed as Sarah Palin for Halloween, and I wasn't surprised to see relatively few people dressed as Obama. I think several reasons factored in:

a) it reflects the disproportional interest in Sarah Palin in this election
b) more women than men dress up for Halloween because women are creative and interesting and men are boring and lazy
c) the sticky situation for white people of how to dress up as a black person without crossing the offensive line into blackface

Sure, there's a big difference between using makeup to achieve a verisimilitude to famous and respected African-American person and the incredible racist connotations of classic minstrel blackface. But yet... it does still feel weird, right? I assume that along the road of having our first black president, there will be many moments where issues of race will have to be faced and resolved. One of these first ones is going to be "is it ok to wear black makeup to imitate our president?" Imitating our president is an inalienable American right and revered tradition, and a cornerstone of our national comedy. In order to move on as a country, the black makeup issue has to be resolved once and for all.

Here's a few brave souls who were willing to test the waters in this new frontier. Trailblazers holding an olive branch, or provocateurs who deserve a punch in the face?




This one is clever, but skirts the issue:


F.Y.I. this last photo is titled "Negro Muggers for Obama" and has "scary negro" as one of the tags. I guess we still have a long way to go. Sigh...

If you sinking into a deep depression over that last photo, please just stare at this insane cuteness below, and you'll instantly feel better. Obama and a Unicorn:

UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention that the "scary negro mugger" is actually in reference to the story of the crazed McCain supporter who claimed to have been attacked by Obama supporters, but really did it to herself. It's actually a pretty clever costume to dress up as the fictitious mugger dreamed up by the crazy girl.

Dream Friends

If there was such a thing as friend pornography, where you fantasize about the funnest friends ever, the plot of the porno would be like this:

Int. Evening. Apartment.
Doorbell rings. You walk across the room and open the door.

"Oh hi! We were just in the neighborhood with some of the good beer and a bong and thought we'd drop by to listen to NOFX with you."

Video Game Brain

The problem with playing video games and reading comic books all day is that you start actually believing the outside world is made up of hookers with a heart of gold and big thuggish antiheroes. You go out on a typical Saturday night with your nerdy buddies, and you start thinking everyone actually looks like this:


Thanks to Meredith for the photo.

Family Boogie

Use Your (Optical) Illusion

I had to look at this for about 25 seconds before I could understand what is going on here (it's an apron at a bachelorette party):

Children's Party Planning FAIL

When Timmy asked for a "pony", he meant a small horse, not a half keg.

Sarah Palin Costumes

As I write this, the election results haven't come in yet, so it's hard to tell if these costumes are tragically ironic, ironically ironic, or just plain unoriginal costumes. Everyone knew that the Sarah Palin costume was going to be huge this year, but I wanted to wait a few days to let people upload their photos to Flickr to determine the results. Just like waiting to get in the full election results of a state to "call it". Relevant, right?

Verdict is: there were more Sarah Palin costume photos than I can reasonably show here. I'm talking TONS. I couldn't get even close to finish searching and I had found over 50 different men and women dressed as S.P. Keep in mind this only applies to people who actually bothered to upload their Halloween photos and tag them individually within 5 days after taking them.

Here's my main gripe with these costumes. I found the biggest fault not in the concept but in the execution. This should have been an easy costume to get right. But as you can see, some people couldn't even cobble together a decent business suit. I don't want to sound like your mom, but seriously, people - in these times of economic uncertainty, the one thing you really should invest in is a good interview suit.

Mom chastising over; please enjoy the costume option you all knew was too obvious:

Dressing As Yourself for Halloween

The whole point of a Halloween costume is dressing as something other than yourself. Here, I just see a fat ugly guy, an Asian woman, and a typical white guy.

I Call This Move "The Crab"

Alternatively called "My Crabs Itch".


Thanks, Nick, for sending me this great picture of yourself in 5 years. 5 really hard years.